I Remember Even When You Haven’t Asked Me Yet

I know you are gonna get mad and disappointed that caused by what I said to you a few minutes ago.

I know you wanted me to say something sweet in our eight months anniversary.

I know you wished I will remember our day.

I know too much things, even things that you do not say to me.

I know because I always get the flash of pieces of incidents which automatically come to my mind and form to be a short story.

Do you know that knowing too much things can hurt me so badly?

It brings me into hard situation whether I have to act according to the flash or I have to act like I have not known anything.

Do you ever spend a little bit of your times to think about these:

My feeling is so sick. Sick of missing you. Sick of knowing that I just can say “I Miss You” without can to meet you.

My heart is filled by pain. Pain of only be able to get your texts. Pain of having you who cannot even talk sweetly for once in a while.

I do not ask you to be romantic. For me, we already got better in talking without want to hide anything.

I am happy everytime we are teasing each other and sharing a joke, even using ourselves as a spoof.

But there will be a time when I want to be serious. I want to hear you saying something nice on my ears. I want to feel your love through your sweetness and careness.

I don’t want to force you to give me such a compliment.

I don’t want to make situation as if I am not worth to get it. Because I am really worth. That’s why I have been questioning “Is it hard for you to do?”

But  I just want you to take a little time,  keep silent, think clearly, and answer this with your deepest heart.

As long as you stay with me,  haven’t you realize that I am actually a sweet person that always loving you with my tender heart?

I am a girl who always show and take care of you by my own ways.

I am a girl who still care even when we are getting fight and comprised by anger.

I am a girl who honestly crying in the silence everytime I pretend or try not to care about you.

We know there are GIVE and RECEIVE in a relationship. And we have to keep it balance.

Everytime I do GIVING, I never wish to RECEIVE as many as what I have given.

But when it doesn’t keep balance, my heart will be filled by pain and hurt.

So I try not to give much, but I choose to equalize you by reducing what I always give to you.

That’s better than I should continuously give you much but receive hurt too much.

And that’s a thing that recently always make me think hardly till crying without known by you there.

And this disappointment is growing more than I thought.

I was trying to act as usual when you sent some text and questioned “Do you forget one thing today?”

I answered, “Forget about what? I am so sleepy,” replied me, still crying.

But from the bottom of my heart, I answered just to myself, “Today is a sign that we have reached eight months being together.”

I am neither your head nor follower. If one of us is in too far ahead or left behind, there is something wrong in us. So we should being together to work it out!

Then I wrote this.

My dear……..

I felt so sad pretending like I forget about our day. Sorry……… I just……… I just wanted to finish this letter without having to cry louder.

I was writing this letter when I said going to sleep.

My dear………

I didn’t forget this day. I already remember even when you haven’t asked me yet :)

I cannot say something sweet that you probably wished before. But these are words from the deepest of my heart. 

 ♥HAPPY 8 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY!♥

 _____E N D_____

Note: After reading this, do you still want to act bitter? :)